9 weeks postpartum: Finally, a few minutes of free-time

Yes, I'm blogging! Don't get used to it, though.... this is a one-time thing.

So, a LONG story made very short....

We had to start supplementing baby's diet with pumped breastmilk due to dropping weight. Breastfeeding still didn't improve. We found out that baby had tongue-tie and got that corrected, but it was done so late that baby was already good and hooked on the bottle and stayed exclusively-bottlefed. I have thus been tied to the breastpump for the past seven weeks - it's hard work!! Not only is it really hard to work breastpumping around a toddler's schedule, but it's a big time commitment and also rough on one's social schedule (not that we have one at the moment!). If anyone out there is considering bottle-feeding as a "convenient alternative" - DON'T DO IT!!! It's a pain in the neck!!! More details later.

Anyhow, here we are. We've had two appointments with lactation consultants, spent a fortune in breastfeeding paraphernalia (pump rental, bottles, etc.), and are really no closer to getting back to breastfeeding. So today, on our pediatrician's advice, we are going cold turkey. No pumping, no bottle-feeding, no nothing - only breastfeeding. Needless to say, baby is NOT happy! (And neither am I, for that matter - engorgement like this is quite unpleasant!) But I have hopes that he will see the light and convert back. He needs to, or I shall go insane from this breast-pump schedule.

So today is the day, and hubbie and son are out running errands. I've taken a break from nursing-attempts to blog, and I need to get back to it. So... that's all for now! Too bad, because I have lots to write about - but it'll have to wait (for another month or so, most likely). Much love to all, and I'll check in when I can!!

Lynsee's Birth, Part II

I've been following the discussions on this birth (which was broadcast live via webcam) on Facebook, and it's been really interesting!

I've also found out a few more details about the birth:

Lynsee was intending a natural, hospital birth, attended by a midwife. She labored in water for the first part, but accepted an offered epidural at around 8 cm. After that, it was a pretty typical medically-managed hospital birth, though thankfully it was vaginal.

I can derive two lessons from this for mamas who want natural births.

Lesson #1 - The hospital is not really the best place to have a natural birth.

Frankly, the temptation to take drugs is usually too powerful. There are simply not many women out there who can refuse an epidural when it's offered during transition! That's the stage when almost everyone says, "I can't do this anymore! I want out NOW!" I know I did!

Sending a woman to a hospital for a natural birth is like sending an alcoholic to a liquor store for a lemonade. Yes, it can conceivably be done, but it almost never happens. If you want to get a lemonade and avoid the booze, go to a lemonade stand. If you want to get a natural birth and avoid the drugs, have your baby at home or in a freestanding birth center.

Lesson #2 - Your birth team will make or break your birth.

Lynsee's birth team has received a lot of online flak for their handling of Lynsee's labor, and, I believe, quite rightly so. Their support simply didn't cut it for a mama who wanted a natural birth but was having a hard time with contractions (who doesn't?). They disturbed her labor and then offered and/or encouraged drugs rather than giving encouragement and suggesting non-drug options.

In a lot of ways, getting a drug-free birth isn't really up to the mom. Okay, yes it is, BUT.... in many ways, it's really up to the birth team. How do they handle the mom's emotions? Her discouragement? Her need for support? Do they give consistent encouragement and the help she needs to make it through the hurdles of labor? Or do they plant seeds of self-doubt in the mother's head and encourage her toward the use of drugs for pain relief?

My birth team was instrumental in my birth. They never mentioned giving up, giving in, going to the hospital for an epidural, etc. Instead, they brought drinks, washcloths, chapstick, hair bands - whatever I needed for my comfort. They gave massage, counter-pressure, a hand to hold, their voices talking me through each contraction, encouragement ("You are doing this! You are great! You look so beautiful!") - everything I needed. If they had said, "Gosh, I don't like to see you in pain. Are you sure you don't want an epidural? Would you like to go to the hospital?" - I'm not sure I could have gotten through.

So.... Choose your birth team with great care. Make sure you have an awesome care provider, and spend a LOT of time picking a really great doula or doula team. Birth plans.... have one, but don't depend on it. Spend the bulk of your time getting a top-notch birth team who will protect your space, your rights, your privacy, and your birthing ability.

More later, most likely....

Reflections on Lynsee's Birth

I saw on Facebook tonight that a first-time mom, Lynsee, was broadcasting her labor and birth on the web via a live webcam recording, so I went on over to check it out. As a matter of fact, it's still going on, and if you're in time you can probably see it:

Lynsee's Labor

First of all, good job, Lynsee! Brave girl! And congrats on your upcoming birth! I think it's just awesome that she is broadcasting this.

But watching her labor made me think.

Just a few minutes after I started watching, the screen went blank and I learned that she had opted for an epidural. I was hit with a feeling of overwhelming sadness, and I haven't really checked back much since. I am sad for what she is missing.

Don't get me wrong, and don't write me with complaints of epidural bashing. I don't blame any woman for getting an epidural. Let me be blunt: I spent most of my first labor screaming. And if an epidural had been available, I would have gladly accepted it at least six hours before our baby was born.

But it wasn't available, as I was birthing at home. As a result, I was forced to live through the pain rather than taking the escape route, and I went on to have an all-natural birth which was the most ecstatic and meaningful event of my life. I would not trade it for the world. Ditto for my second birth. My birth experiences have given me an intense sense of pride, of meaning, of self-worth - it's really hard to explain. And I am simply grieved for any woman who doesn't get that experience. Not only does she miss out on all that, but she is left with the feeling that "it was too hard and I couldn't do it" - when she could have. She could have done it just like I did - if the escape route hadn't been easy and available, she could have done it.

Does this make sense to anyone? I don't mean to be negative toward women who take epidurals. Most of my friends are intense fans of them! And I know that I would have taken and loved an epidural with both of my births had they been available. But I'm so glad they weren't.

And that's one of the main purposes of this blog - to encourage women in birth. It isn't the least bit fun at the time (for most women), but it is the most empowering thing in the world. There's nothing in the world like it.

And that's why watching this birth made me sad (and why I don't frequent birth stories/videos of hospital births - I stick with homebirths). I hope Lynsee gets another chance with a subsequent baby to experience the beautiful, God-given miracle which is natural childbirth. It's meant the world to me, and I hope it will to her should she ever be blessed with a drug-free birth.

"BabyWise" II

A commenter left me this link to the story of her experience with "BabyWise," and it is so moving that I wanted to link to it - check it out!

Confessions of a Failed Babywiser

Her story is listed on an enormous BabyWise-watchdog site that I have perused before and which is excellent:

www.ezzo.info

I would advise anyone considering using BabyWise (or any other Ezzo programs) to spend at least an hour reading this site before acting! It is an excellent resource - hand it out liberally.

I promise that I will post on Babywise in detail.... sometime. For now, check out the story and the website!

"BabyWise" Post

My blog-friend Kathy has posted a great article on the Babywise phenomenon - check it out! I've been meaning to write a similar article on why I no longer support Babywise, but it looks like it's going to have to wait a while.... a long while. Though I am writing constant mental-blogging entries, actual blogging seems to have gone by the wayside during the postpartum period. So in the meantime, read Kathy's great article! There are also some good comments in the comment section.

Twin Homebirth Video

Have I posted this before? If I have, watch it anyway! This is a great birth - makes me cry each time I watch this. Hopefully Arizona mamas will someday have the option to have legal midwife-assisted twin homebirths (at present, midwives can't attend homebirths of multiples, VBAC or breech in the state of Arizona). Enjoy!

Babies, Babies Everywhere!

My goodness, the world has been just filled with babies lately!

One of our midwives (Sarah) had her first baby about two weeks after ours was born, and we were able to meet her this past Saturday - adorable!

One of our doulas also discovered that her family has been blessed with baby-on-the-way #7 - how fun! And if you have met this precious family, you will agree with me that they need to have an even dozen or two!

One of my all-time-favorite bloggers, Angie of Bring the Rain has just announced a new baby-on-the-way as well! Dear readers, if you haven't checked out this blog, please do. I have been reading it for the past year and a half, and it has been an amazing blessing in my life. Angie started blogging when she found out that her unborn daughter, Audrey, had severe congenital defects and would not survive birth (this was about two years ago). Her blog has helped me so much through my own spiritual journeys and hardship, and I highly recommend reading through her story. Many, many congratulations to Angie!!

Another birth circle friend has also announced a pregnancy and is dealing with some yucky morning sickness - may you feel better soon!!

Not to mention that the girl who was originally going to be our doula is expecting #4 (congrats, B!), and at least two of my high school friends are both expecting their first babies soon (congrats A & K!)!

AND, some dear friends of ours, J&T, have been able to set their next transfer date for their embryo adoption process for early December. Their last transfer was last fall and ended in the miscarriage of twins at about 5 weeks.... so your prayers for this family would be appreciated. We are so excited for them!

So... babies are in the air! An exciting time.

Speaking of babies... My midwife has told me that, due to my status as a daytime-pumping-only mom, I can expect my fertility to return pronto. As in "any time, starting now." Too bad - I will miss having a year without periods! But we're also going to have to be very careful. I love babies, but.... ten months apart? Yikes!! (A childhood friend of mine actually did have one baby and then twins ten months apart... she had a constantly-tired look on her face. No wonder!)

Love to all! I'll post an update soon.

Childbirth... for Men

Check out this video!




A quick summary: By using electrodes to stimulate abdominal muscle contractions, a man is able to experience a reasonable facsimile of "labor" - and it's fascinating to watch! He calls it quits sometime during active labor (before things get really interesting!), and of course, they didn't have anything that would simulate second-stage (pushing) and birth. But still, a great video and a great idea! Personally, I think all men should do this. :)

A couple of quick notes (and they'll have to be quick, as I'm trying to type with a baby in my arms):

- I found it fascinating to note how he responded to labor in similar ways to laboring women - similar noises, facial expressions, and instinctive body movements. He actually looked... like a woman in labor! Wow!

- I also found it interesting that he called it quits at a similar point to the point where most women get epidurals. This man needed a doula! LOL (Of course, I wouldn't voluntarily endure childbirth either if there was no baby at the end of it.)

Okay! Enough trying to type like a circus contortionist! You'll have to think of your own comments from here. :)

5 weeks, 5 days postpartum: Too Discombobulated to Think of a Title

Hi, everyone!

This is the quickest of notes to let everyone know that yes, again, I'm still alive - just with no time to blog!! Seriously, my computer time has scaled off to almost zero. I'm either doing round-the-clock baby and child care, or they're napping and I can't use the computer because it often wakes up my preschooler. That, and I'm still tied to the breast pump every 2-3 hours during the day - something that I hope to quit soon, but only time will tell. We have an appointment on Tuesday to see about possibly getting baby's tongue-tie corrected, and after that baby may be able to get back on board with breastfeeding. However, if he has (as I suspect) gotten extremely lazy with his bottle-habit, we may have more work to do before we can kick that habit.

But otherwise, he is growing quite plump and is very healthy - hurray!!

My blogs and my correspondence are definitely suffering, though - I haven't been blogging, I haven't had time to read the blogs I subscribe to, and I have gotten months behind in answering email. If you've emailed me and not heard back, rest assured that everyone is getting the same treatment!

I've been really doing serious thinking about family dynamics and how I want to form our family. Having two children is really a cosmic shift for me, being that I was raised as an only child in a family of only-children. What do we want to do with our family? Do we want to have the boys share a room, or have rooms of their own? What philosophical methods do we want to use for training and discipline? Do we want to homeschool, private school, or charter school? What should our routines be? I'm trying to read, think, and research to get some direction. We've ordered "Shepherding a Child's Heart" to read, and I'm thinking about looking into the PEGS system and Doorposts Ministries (thanks, BreAnna!). There's a lot to determine, especially as parenting does not and never has come naturally to me (unlike most of my friends, who seem to take to it like ducks to water... *sigh*).

I've also made a few resolutions to improve my role as a mother. The first, and by FAR the most difficult, is to (aack! hyperventilating!) do my best to avoid stressing about a house that is less than perfect - in order to spend more time with my children (deep breathing....). I can never be comfortable with a messy house - I find it deeply, fundamentally disturbing. But the truth remains that I simply cannot have a house that is clean to my satisfaction while I have two young children. I just can't - it's not possible. So I'm trying to focus on essential routines (dishes, laundry, meals, pick-up) and allow myself no more than 20 minutes of other cleaning per day (and honestly, that only happens 2-3 times a week max).

Secondly, I'm going to do my best this year to create holiday traditions. I'm pretty hopeless with holidays. I never decorate, we rarely attend holiday events, and I generally forget about the holidays themselves until the night before. For our kidlets' sake, I want to do better with that (within the bounds of sanity) - I have very fond memories of the holidays, and I want our kids to have the same. So this year, I'm going to do my best to make sure we have at least some basic activities going for the holidays.

Well, while I've been writing about improving my family, I've been neglecting my family! So back to work. I'll do my best to check in occasionally... but life is quite hectic right now, so it won't be often. Love to all!!

Unassisted VBAC Birth Story

Thanks to Cesarean Epidemic for posting this great Unassisted VBAC Birth Story - it's great! Very detailed, very honest - just a great story.