So by now you've probably heard - the FDA is seizing and destroying birth pools! A quote from the link:
"The FDA has confiscated a shipment of birthing pools and is holding them. The directives are clear: they will be destroyed or shipped out. Their reasoning? They are stating that birth pools are medical equipment."
And you know what? I think it's a great idea! After all, if "pregnancy is an illness and birth is a medical event", then why should birthing women in any location be able to use "unregistered and unapproved medical equipment" outside of FDA control?
But come to think of it, I also have a mean pair of tennis balls that I used for massage during labor. Oh, no! What is the FDA thinking? I demand a tennis ball "seize and destroy" - do you realize that millions of laboring women (who are so deathly ill with "pregnancy") are using unapproved tennis balls for back pain relief? Oh, the horror!
And gosh! I was drinking Gatorade during labor! Unregistered Gatorade! Gatorade that has not been approved for use during a medical event! Oh, thank goodness I lived through that one. I took my life into my own hands. Who knows what could have happened?
Really, it seems to me that the FDA has their work cut out for them. Millions of women using thousands of unregistered, unapproved labor-assistant devices and comfort measures. It's shocking, but true. Here are some that come to mind:
- Birth pools
- Tennis balls
- Rice socks
- Energy drinks
- Honey sticks
- Hair bands
The possibilities are endless, and we truly need the FDA to step in and save us from our idiotic selves. Who knows what havoc we mindless laboring women could wreak upon ourselves and our babies?
But wait! Even if all of the above were confiscated and destroyed from hospitals, that wouldn't stop women from using them - unapproved and unregistered! - in their own homes. Egad!
There is only one solution. The FDA must place video cameras in every laboring woman's home to make sure that she isn't trying to sneak in some unregistered, unapproved laboring comfort measures outside of government approval.
And while we're at it, we'd better remove all bathtubs from the homes of pregnant women in order to make sure they're not using those forbidden birth tubs. You never can trust an unsupervised citizen.
Don't you just love the ever-encroaching invasion of government control into private life?
(No, I don't usually post articles like this one.... so please don't chew me up over it. Take it as a bit of satire and enjoy!)