The birthing world often (way too often) chooses sides (natural v. medical, midwives v. OBs, clients v. doctors) and then proceeds to blame the other side for all of the birthing world's woes. We in the naturopathic birthing community are just as guilty of this as the other side! So.... here is a great blog entry by an OB (whose blog I have just discovered) showing a great example of a birthing mother who was... hmmm. Suffice it to say that we can't blame doctors for all the problems in the birthing world! It goes both ways:
Overheard in a Beauty Salon
I have overheard similar conversations myself... there's nothing to make one angry/depressed like a mother being absolutely cavalier about her baby's health so long as her convenience is consulted. Mamas, we can do better than this!
Later addendum:
Kayce reminded me that we don't know the other side to this woman's story, and that it is unfair to judge her harshly when we really don't know the details. Read her comments on this article for details (she is a mama who also has had a baby in the NICU). Thus, I wanted to publish a public apology for being unfairly judgmental and/or harsh in my above writing. Eating crow as we speak! Thanks to Kayce for having the kindness to gently correct me. :)
I would like to give a different view on a situation like this one.
ReplyDeleteWhen my dd was in the NICU, I was rarely there. I didn't want to deal with the fact I made wrong choices so she had to be there, being poked and prodded and surrounded by strangers. She didn't feel like my baby, so I didn't go near her very often. My MIL was actually there with her more than I was.
To cope, I detached myself from the situation. I made it seem like no big deal, and that everything was fine. I know a lot of people in my family were mad at me for not staying with her all the time. They judged me that I didn't love my daughter.
When in fact the opposite was true. I had kept her inside me until someone told me I wasn't doing good enough anymore. It was my fault she was early and couldn't breathe. My choices made her first week terrifying.
I will never forgive what I did in the beginning of her life. But if it happened again, I might do the same thing.
Life in a NICU is hard. You feel in the way and you don't know what to do. I had to have them teach me how to do simple things like change a diaper and take a temperature inside an isolette. You feel so worthless and not worthy of your child.
Now, I don't agree with some of the stuff this woman said or did, but judging comes so easy in this situation. Maybe looking from her view might help sometimes.
As always, Kayce, great points!!
ReplyDeleteI truly am not upset about what u wrote. I have been upset a lot of times about things women choose and it gets me in trouble lol. But I figure I would just add another side. Something to ponder, as it were.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to remember both sides of the story - thanks for reminding me! I always love it when my blogging sisters remind me of things I've forgotten, or show me when my writing is incomplete, one-sided or unkind. :)
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